Why I am more of an emotional wreck than usual…

Ok, so I thought that I owed you a bit of an explanation regarding my less than stable emotional state recently…

At the beginning of the month we made the decision that, in June, we will commence our 3rd and final ICSI cycle (as chatted about in a previous post). We are going balls to the wall with this one and are doing a ZIFT, which is a pretty hectic procedure, meaning that the embryo’s are transferred via a laparoscopy, into my tubes, the day after they fertilise. This is because, when the issue is with the sperm, the embies seem to do better when they are put back in their natural habitat quicker. It is a big procedure and means that I will be going under general anaesthetic the day after being sedated for egg retrieval BUT, I have survived a laparoscopy before and I want to look back and know that we did EVERYTHING that we could, to get our BFP.

So, there is a lot riding on this one, which automatically makes it more emotionally draining than the first 2 cycles that we did. In fact, for the first one, we were so young (27!) and naive, that it didn’t enter our heads that the cycle would fail….I mean, why would it? We were young and everybody said it would work…!! One BFN later and we were a bit older and wiser about the dark world of Infertility and so we waited 2 years before having cycle no 2. That time we had 2 seemingly perfect blastocysts transferred and left the clinic with the Fertility Specialists words ringing in our ears “the worst outcome will be that it is twins”!!! One heartbreaking and soul destroying BFN later, we took another 3 years to pick up the pieces enough, to enable us to be in the right place both emotionally and financially, to try again.

So, yes, if I am a bit of a whinger and a bitcher over the next few weeks, I apologise in advance. I know that that is the reason I reacted so badly to the recent “kid’s party saga”, there is no way if I was in my right mind, that I would’ve let it hurt me quite so much…

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10 thoughts on “Why I am more of an emotional wreck than usual…

  1. I think you’re entitled to be upset, regardless of where you are in the ttc process. Hope i’m not adding fuel to fire but one would think that your BF would at least invite you and give you the choice of whether you wanted to attend or not. Strange how the people we love have the ability to hurt us so much.

    Here’s hoping you’re going to be hosting your OWN parties soon 🙂

    • Thank you Sunny, that is exactly what I thought! I have even considered throwing a party, not inviting them and when asked why by someone, say “because they have children”!! Then they might realise just how silly the “because the don’t have children” excuse really is!!

      Thanks for your good wishes, wishing you the best of luck on your journey too!!

  2. I love that one! You’re not invited because you don’t have children. We once put in an offer on a house at the same time as another couple who had children. The sellers said they decided to accept the other couple’s offer “because they have children”. That hurt. A lot.
    What if we wanted to buy a house to start our family in?!

    • Thanks so much Lucky Bean. It’s hard to encounter just how fertility minded the world is…it’s like people are wired that way and automatically think that folks with children are better than folks without, cos there must surely be something wrong with us if we haven’t got children!! Good luck with your next cycle… this one WILL BE your lucky one!

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