Positive and Pregnant

So, after Monday’s beta not doubling debacle, when yesterday dawned, I decided to be positive and NOT to go for another Beta. When my FS came back to me, he discouraged doing more bloods, but instead he said to bring my scan forward from 7 to 6 weeks…which ends up being 5 weeks and 4 days, as we are going away next week, which mean’s that it is on Friday. So it’s not very long to wait until we know once and for all if the pregnancy is viable. Hence the positivity, if I am going to be proven pregnant or otherwise on Friday, then until Friday, I am damned if I’m not going to enjoy every moment of being pregnant, after all… TODAY I AM PREGNANT…even the clear blue digital this morning said so!!

So, my dear friend from fertilicare (a forum that has kept me sane these past few weeks!)… who is a mere 3 days further along than me and who has been such a positive soul during her treatment, keeping a smile on all our faces… kept me busy yesterday and off good ol Dr Google. She had also made the decision to start to enjoy her pregnancy, as she had experienced some spotting but had seen her sac on a scan and her bloods on Monday were over 3000, so she was happy too and yesterday we revelled in our pregnancies. Then, this morning, she miscarried.

I am so sad for her and her husband, she is truly the most special of people, if anyone deserves a baby to love, it’s her…they have been trying for 11 years. My soul is crushed after 6, I can only imagine what 11 feels like.

So, as with IVF, it turns out that pregnancy is a complete numbers game…the fact that it looks positive and like it is all going to plan, means nothing…tomorrow could bring a whole other kind of hell. That being said, I am still going to remain positive and enjoy being pregnant…today.

Never plain sailing….

Just as I was beginning to believe that, perhaps, just maybe, this pregnancy could actually be a reality… I went for my 4th beta today, to find that it didn’t double!! My beta’s have been as follows:

3rd July = 124
5th July = 251
7th July = 544
9th July = 714!!

Plus, yesterday I had sharp pains in my right ovary that lasted 40 mins and happened twice, so now I am panicking about an ectopic….especially as I had a ZIFT and the zygotes were put back in my right tubes ūüė¶

I have emailed my¬†Fertility¬†Specialist and am awaiting his response. The nurse didn’t seem too worried though and said that they don’t need to see me till my scan on the 25th… but I’m like WTH?? 3 beta’s rose perfectly and then it didn’t even go up 50% …why, when we were THIS close to believing that it was actually our time, does something like this have to happen??

Please keep us in your prayers…

Bok xx

THE BETA

Ok, so after recovering from the shock of seeing the + appear on the HPT (after all these years, that is truly something that I never thought I would see), I got my arse into the car and zoomed to the clinic for a beta test…there was just NO way I was waiting till thurs!

They rang me with the news and I will never forget the nurses word’s… “you’re pregnant”!!! So I asked about the levels and she countered with a “why did you test early? Did you do a urine test?” Ummmmm, nooooo (great way to start the pregnancy hey, by lying! Kid(s), do not follow Mommy’s example!!) So I told her it was because I had terrible cramps last night (true) and, as it was 14 days since our egg retrieval, I figured that it really wasn’t too early and I didn’t want to wait till Thurs. She accepted that and told me my levels… now I was hoping for anything around 100 as that would be a strong beta and not cause more sleepless nights and, drum roll please…. they are 124!!¬†We are very relieved and cannot believe that we have made it this far… THANK YOU GOD!! I know my Gran is probably sitting up there saying “I told you so!” so, Gran, I am sorry that I doubted you!

Thursday we do a repeat beta and pray that it doubles…this waiting game is far from¬†over!

To POAS or not to POAS…that is the question!!!

For you infertility virgins (long may you remain so!) who have just stumbled upon my rantings by sheer luck (or bad luck!), POAS means to pee on a (home pregnancy) stick!

NOOOOOOOOOO I can hear all you seasoned TTC’vers scream at your PC, but hear me out first…

My reasoning is that, why shouldn‚Äôt I have some sort of normalcy in all this craziness? I know I will never experience what it is like to make the decision to have a baby and, 2 months later, be pregnant but, maybe, just maybe, if I finally get that 2nd line on the home pregnancy test perhaps, for a few seconds, I will forget all the past pain and heartbreak and know what normal feels like. Now that we are actually in our 2 week wait however, I must admit that I am a bit more cautious… after all, a home pregnancy test has never yielded good news for me before, I have NEVER in my entire 33 years on this planet, had a 2nd line appear, so what makes this time any different? Also, I’d quite like to remain PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) a little longer, in case Thursday’s blood test proves me PO rather than P!!!

Decisions decisions! Either way, I won’t do it till Tuesday, as that is 14dpo and so the result will be true….I cannot be arsed faffing around trying to make myself believe that a negative test is REALLY a positive, but just too early, like in my previous cycles.

Symptom update… AF type cramps today, which are completely freaking me out, as they do normally start on and off 2-3 days before AF arrives. Cue frantic knicker checking every 10 mins,..ahh the joy of the 2 week wait!!!

Keep us in your prayers (thanks to all who have left supportive comments) and feel free to comment with your view on whether I should or should not POAS on tues ūüėČ

Bok xx