The Perpetual 2 Week Wait

So, everyone that has been through infertility and IVF’s before, knows all to well the feeling of the dreaded 2 week wait, between transferring your embryos and waiting to be able to test to see if you are pregnant. To say it drags is an UNDERSTATEMENT!!! You are up and your are down…one day sure you are pregnant, the next sure that you aren’t and never ever will be…a complete rollercoaster of emotions.

What I didn’t realise is that, once you get your BFP (positive pregnancy test), the next 8 months is one long 2 week wait!! 2 weeks to wait for your first scan, 2-3 weeks till your second and then third and then it changes to 3-4 weeks!! All this without any outward sign that you are actually pregnant and that everything is progressing as it should…it is like living in my own personal hell!!

Today marks 2 weeks till our next scan…we have already endured a week and a half and now I still have another 2 weeks in limbo?? To tell you that I cannot WAIT to have a bump and to feel our miracle baby move, is also an understatement…if someone gave me a time machine right now, I would set it for 5 weeks time, no questions asked, I would just jump in it and go!!

I suppose that it doesn’t help that I am in that “in between stage”… too fat to fit my old clothes nicely and too small to fit into maternity wear…ARGH it’s so frustrating!!! I WANT TO LOOK PREGNANT AND NOT JUST LIKE I ATE TOO MANY PIES (although I am incidentally eating a very nice cornish pasty right now πŸ˜‰ ).

Anyway, that’s enough of a whinge from my side, it’s Friday today and we have a loooong weekend ahead of us, it’s a public hol here on Monday and hubby’s birthday on Tuesday, so we are off work in 2.5 hours time for 4 days…BLISS!

Enjoy the weekend everyone πŸ™‚

xx

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15 Weeks today!!

Today we are 15 weeks pregnant!!

Every time I think that, I get a shiver! In 5 weeks I will feel baby move and in 2.5 weeks we will find out whether we are having a boy or a girl πŸ™‚ So excited about what’s ahead (still with a hint of worry, but I am slowly getting used to that feeling and it is a little easier to live with).

We invested in a fetal doppler device (angelsounds), which detects the heartbeat and can be used at home. We have used it once a week since 12 weeks, but have not located the heartbeat…until Sunday, when we found it immediately! What a wonderful sound that is, my baby’s heartbeat, beating away inside of me!!! SUCH a surreal feeling πŸ™‚ We recorded it and counted, it was beating at 150bpm and I have listened to it on my phone countless times since. What a wonderful device and something that will get us through the weeks between scans…we will be careful to only use it once a week though!

UPDATE ON 14 WEEK SCAN Last week we had our first scan with our new OB/GYN. He is very nice, around 60 years old, so has been around the block a bit πŸ˜‰ He gave me a lecture on healthy eating and told me to eat toast/wholewheat cereal/ boiled egg for breakfast, salad for lunch and a small portion of carbs with protein for supper!! Wowsers, have decided that only men could assume that would be enough to satiate my increased pregnancy appetite!! Oh yes, he did say I could snack…on ryvitas!!! EEEK, so much for eating for 2 hey? Haha, anyway, I see where he is coming from and choose to ignore only the portion sizes and choice of snack… healthy within reason, but allowed to indulge once in a while, is my philosophy!

I made the rookie mistake of having an empty bladder for the scan (too well trained for the countless internal “probe” scans I had to endure, where you have to have a very empty bladder) and so the visual wasn’t great, but baby looked happy and was waving again! He/she measured 14weeks 3 days and so a couple of days ahead still and Dr B was happy with what he saw. We could see the spine in detail, as well as the eyes, including the lenses, which was just amazing! Next time I am going to make sure that I am bursting, to ensure that we see the sex πŸ˜€Β Next Scan is on the 5th October!

Update on symptoms: Currently not sleeping very well, even though I am not getting up every night to wee and so I am quite tired during the day. Otherwise I have a bit of heartburn now and then (mostly when I am a greedy pig!) and still throw up nearly once a day when brushing my teeth! Otherwise I am feeling fine. I have definitely gotten off lightly where morning sickness is concerned.

Bump Watch: Still look more fat than pregnant and am suffering from serious “Bump Envy”! When I see obviously pregnant ladies, I wish that my bump would look like theirs! I know it’s not long till it does (I do look definitely pregnant at night, especially after eating!) but, as usual, I don’t want to wait!! Sigh…here I am wishing away time and I know that, come 34 weeks or so, I am going to wonder where the time went!

“Thank you Lord for the miracle which you have bestowed upon us”

Bok xx

The Highs, The Lows, but at last we are “safe”…

I am sorry for being so neglectful over the past 5 weeks and thanks to Mrs FF for asking after me, I am fine and, yes I am still pregnant.

I was going to do a full post on the reason for my absence…our 7 week scan that indicated that the sac had collapsed and it was all over, BUT I have decided not to dwell on “that” scan, but rather on all the following ones,when our Miracle Baby showed that there is a reason that we believe in God, by growing in leaps and bounds and turning out to be perfect in our 12 week fetal assessment last week!!

So, we have officially reached the relative safety of the 12 week mark, but I still can’t seem to relax! I still dwell on all the possibilities of things going wrong and am basically living from scan to scan BUT, when I am sat waiting for my scans, I am terrified beyond belief that something will be wrong and I want to run screaming from the building!!! If I could have any wish right now (apart from a happy and healthy baby), I would wish for Ignorant Bliss and the pure belief that all will be fine, nothing bad will happen and, in 27 weeks time I will be holding my perfect bundle of joy, similar to most of the happy go lucky “fertiles” out there. BUT I know that my years in the trenches means my innocence as well as my ignorance and it seems my bliss too is long gone…I have seen, heard and experienced far too much heartache for it to be any different.

Perhaps it will all change when I start to look pregnant and start to feel the baby move, but I still have 7 long weeks to get through till that happens. So, until then, I am planning on keeping busy, keeping praying and keeping as positive as possible that all will be well.

xx