And, by that heading, I don’t mean words, I mean that look that we have ALL experienced, when you dare offer a mother some advice, or agree with something they have said… when they look at you that fraction of a second too long, before slowly nodding/shaking their heads (with their eyes cast down) at what you said and the look says it loud and clear: YOU DON’T HAVE KIDS…WHAT DO YOU KNOW?? (and different variations of same).
This is my answer to anyone reading this, who has ever given someone said look: We have been watching parents closely for the entire time we have been ttc (in our case, 6 years), we have seen the mistakes they make, we have made mental notes of what we feel they have done right, but believe you me, before you had your children, you did not absorb nearly as much kiddy raising info as we have and so, if there ever was someone’s advice to take, you should maybe consider taking ours!!!
Well, this month we have reached yet another TTC milestone…. 6 years since I joyously threw away my last birth control pill packet and, what do we have to show for it?? Absolutely nothing, other than no money, grey hairs and tear stained pillows 😦 😦 😦
We were away for the weekend with friends a couple of weeks ago and they all had their kids with them… the same ages that ours would have been, if we had been “normal” and watching them just broke my heart.
I never wanted to be an “older” Mom, I didn’t want my kids to only have memories of me with wrinkles and the said grey hairs, but I guess it looks like I now have no choice.
So, due to this “milestone” and, after being on the Adoption list for 4 months, we have decided to embark on our 3rd and final ICSI and have consulted a new Fertility Specialist, Dr Volschenk at Vitalab. When we set out on our first cycle, many moons ago in 2007, we decided that we would do 3 and only 3….we’ve read too many stories of couples spending tens of thousands of dollars/pounds and hundreds of thousands of rands on treatments and we just cannot do it….emotionally OR financially.
Wish us luck and keep us in your prayers!!
When I was avidly emailing our profile out to every Tom, Dianne and Harry, after we were approved (YAY!!), I came across a home for unwed mothers (bet you thought that there were none of those left in this day and age huh?), so I sent our profile there. A lovely lady came back to me and said that, should I want to be considered by one of their mothers, then we would have to go through their Social Worker for a basic screening (as we are already approved).
To start off this “basic” screening, we had to attend an info session and hear all about adoption and the process (again!!). So, we dutifully went along there and paid another R650 to do something we had already done before (when will this expense end??) and found ourselves surrounded by 6 other very normal and young couples!!! (To advise you why we were a bit disturbed by this, I have to rewind for a minute, to our very first group info session in England, where we were the youngest by about 10 years and so thought we had a very good chance at being “picked” first! Even when we went to our final group session in November, we were the youngest couple there and thought again that we must have a good chance at being “first in line to a baby”!) So, here we sat, having spent R650 to hear the same info we have heard twice before, PLUS we had to listen to these lovely people detail how they had arrived at this point in their rocky road to parenthood and watch them look around, amazed that they had finally met other people in the same boat as them and all hubby and I could think about was that these wonderful YOUNG people were all our COMPETITION in this “race” to adopt what is very rare in adoption circles in South Africa…. a white baby!!
Needless to say that, once we had heard how this Social Worker had only placed 6 babies last year and has 2 of these information sessions every month, where an average of 5 couples come onto her books after EVERY session, which makes approx 120 couples a year, who are after 6-8 babies, we left there, not feeling lighthearted that we had found another avenue to explore (which we had hoped to feel), but downright bloody depressed at the thought of the “bun fight” that still awaits us in this ongoing journey that we are on, as infertility becomes more and more the norm among young couples out there!
Lord, I am now tired, please let our baby be around the corner and give me the strength to make it to that corner. Amen
And I wonder if I will ever be anything other than a “baby shower reject”??
A girl (ok, woman at our age!) who I am friends with in all ways (and not just on facebook!), plus I even went to primary school with the father of the baby, is having her baby shower tomorrow… and I am not invited 😦
I only found out by mistake, when visiting another friend today for a cheeky vino after work, as she assumed that I was going and, why aren’t I?? The only reason I can think of, is that there is a great big sign on my head which reads “INFERTILE, DON’T LET NEAR BABIES OR EXPECTANT MOTHERS, AS MAY EXPLODE”.
Carron, I hope you have a wonderful time tomorrow and, I promise I won’t try and steal your baby when I see you after the birth!
Ok, so today I decided to have a duvet day. The weather was rainy and Hubby is in the UK and so the dogs and I were snuggled on the sofa watching movies and had just finished our third, when I got an email…
It was from a woman who had seen our plea on a website, is pregnant and has just broken up with her boyfriend, so is weighing up her options and wanted our Social Worker’s details, so she could chat to her.
So I speed dialled our SW and was very surprised to hear her voicemail message saying that she was out of the country until the 13th January (!!) She hadn’t mentioned that when I told her our holiday plans, but hey ho, I decided to ring her partner instead and then got no reply!!
When we first met Zoe, she said that as soon as we got even a sniff of the possibility of a baby, we should tell them immediately and here I was, trying my darndest to get hold of them to tell them of the first “lead” we have had (albeit a bit of a long shot) and neither of them were contactable!! Plus hubby was out of reception and so I couldn’t get hold of him… colour me slightly FRUSTRATED!!
A couple of hours later, I heard from Joan and she said to ask the girl to call her, but she was in the bush and so her reception is a bit dodgy. Anyway, I emailed her details to the woman and now I guess the waiting resumes… tinged with a bit of hope (only the tiniest bit, as we don’t want our hearts trampled over yet again).
Hold thumbs for us!
Just a quicky from me tonight, as I am on my way to Jimmy Carr, but I wanted to tell you what I just witnessed in the bathrooms of Moyo @ Melrose Arch…
I wondered in to the Ladies, to find 2 women on the seats shoving something into their handbags as quick as can be. Hmmm, I thought…can’t be drugs (one was an older lady), I wonder what’s up! While I was ‘doing my business’ the younger lady said something about an injection… Could it be? I thought…can’t be heroine so, the next logical explanation would be stims for an IVF cycle, or such. So, I exit my stall and am washing my hands and repairing my make up, wondering how brave my 2 glasses of wine has made me and whether I would enquire as to the nature of the injections, when she again said something about injections and I couldn’t hold it in….”Are you doing fertility treatment?”. ” How did you know” she said, all surprised “cos I’ve been there and done that!” “Do you have a baby?” She asked, all shiny eyed…”Nope” I replied without thinking, shame, you should’ve seen the disappointment in her face! “But, you need to stay positive” and I proceeded to give her a chin up chat.
As I left the restaurant, it dawned on me how common IF has become…for goodness sake, people are even shooting up in bathrooms nowadays and not in stalls, out in the open!! Realising that and recognising the excitement tinged with desperation on her face, I must admit, it makes me kinda sad…
Anyhoo, better help hubby find a parking space, before he loses it!