New Normal

You have all heard the saying that “time heals all”, you have probably even said it to people yourself.

As a Mother who has lost a child, I have heard it many times and I know it to be true…you all do. BUT I am hugely saddened by the fact that time does heal a broken heart and a grieving soul, none more so than now, after losing Maverick.

He died a month ago and left such a giant hole in our lives that, for the last 5 years, was filled with a wagging tail and his happy face and lots of kisses. I cried for days, we both did and I was so sure that I would never get used to coming home and him not rounding the corner at a sprint, to jump up at the window, even though he knew he shouldn’t…he just couldn’t contain his excitement at seeing his beloved masters come home. But, it has started to become our “new normal” and I just realised that I am beginning to get used to it.

I am hugely saddened by this and I realised today that I never pin pointed a time, when Ashton being around, became the “new normal” , instead of us being the grieving parents, after losing our Eloise. Obviously time healing all does make life easier to get through but, it almost feels as though you are forgetting them, forgetting the impact that they made on your lives and, in turn, disrespecting them and their memory.

I have lost my beloved Child and now my beloved Pet, I should continue grieving and be heartbroken for the rest of my life, it just feels wrong that I don’t. Of course I have my moments when I find myself thinking back to happy times and I tear up, there are also times when I hear a sad song and bawl my eyes out for an hour straight BUT there are also more frequent times that I am completely fine, normal in fact and that, right there, is what I CANNOT get used to.

Goodnight my dear Maverick <3

Yesterday, at 6:03pm our precious Maverick passed away. He was the most special soul, kind, loyal, happy, with an ever wagging tail and not 1 bad bone in his body. He was 5.5years old and died of Canine Lymphoma.

I am so angry that yet again we have to say goodbye to a part of our family and such a special one at that. I dont think I can put in writing how much I love my Mav…a huge hole has been left in our hearts and our home.

Please enough now, I just want a boring life, a normal life, a life with no more hurt…please, I am begging, I am done.

Maverick my beautiful boy, I hope that you are running and playing over the rainbow bridge. ..never stop wagging that tail,  just as you never stopped wagging it once down here. I loved you from the first second I saw you when you were 4 days old and I will not stop till I die. You found us at a time when we really needed cheering up… a couple of months after our first failed ivf and you made us smile every single day since then, even through the darkest days. I know now that you were sent to us for that reason and now someone else needs you, but that does not stop the tears from pouring down my face, or my heart from breaking into tiny pieces everytime I see your empty chair. A ‘thank you’ will never be enough, an ‘I love you forever’ doesnt seem enough, 5.5 years definitely wasnt enough but yet here we are.

Mommy loves you oh so very much my boy, you will forever occupy a special place in my heart. I will make sure that Ashton knows what a special boy you were to Mommy and Daddy, I am so so sad that you and he never got to properly play ball.

Run free and give Eloise lots of kisses from all of us and keep each other company, until we all meet again.