1 Week to go…

and the 2 week wait “crazies” have definitely begun to take hold!!! I have just spent my day googling ZIFT success stories, am I completely barmy? I think so! So much for the cool and collected me of last week…now I know that was just the anaesthetic in my system and my body needing to heal and, now that I am feeling better, I am better placed to stew over every little twinge and feeling/lack of feeling!!!

It is all the more vital now, as my embabies should be implanting yesterday, today and tomorrow and so the twinges and cramps become all the more necessary and the lack of them all the more SCARY!!! ARGHHHHHH, this is going to be the longest week of my life!!

Please pray my embabies are snuggling in to my uterus for the long haul…this has to be it, it just HAS to!

Bok x

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The ZIFT

I’M BAAAAAACK! In case you were wondering what the long silence was for…it was only because my concentration levels were gnat like for days after the general and not for anything serious.

Well, the morning of the ZIFT dawned bright and early (for us anyway!) and we sped to the clinic, looking forward to seeing how my 9 eggies had fertilised. I was hoping for 8 embies, but was prepared to accept 6, which meant that we would hopefully have some to freeze for the first time ever!! Not to be…we got 4.

With a ZIFT you always transfer more embies than the usual 2, as you cannot monitor them for 3 or 5 days like you can with a normal transfer and so you cannot choose the best and, as the odds aren’t great that 100% of fertilised embies make it to babies, we transferred all 4 zygotes.

I am not going to lie and say that the laparoscopy was a breeze…it wasn’t! From the moment I opened my eyes I was in constant pain till about 12 hours ago (and the ZIFT was  5 days ago). The gas first of all, took 3-4 days to disperse and so, every time I stood up or walked around,  the shoulder pain was immense. I pretty much stayed in bed for 4 days straight until I had to get up to visit my nephew, who arrived safely the day after my procedure. It wasn’t only the gas though, my insides had also taken a complete battering with the retrieval and then the tube into my tubes the very next day, so lying down was the best place for me.

And now, the wait begins… implantation should be taking place over the next couple of days and so the analyzing of every twinge/cramp/feeling starts here!!! Test day is only on the 5th July…will I be able to resist peeing on a stick before that day?? You’ll have to watch this space!

Please remember us in your prayers…

 

On our way, or nearly!

This morning I woke up with the tell tale signs that AF was coming, so I quickly calculated and, if she turned up this morning before 12, then tomorrow we would start and, if she only came this afternoon, then Sat would be the day. I have been a bit worried that CD2 might fall on a Sunday, when the clinic is closed (which would be just my luck!). Half an hour later, she arrived!! WOOO HOOOOOOO, pending the result of the bloods and scan in the morning, I should be able to start turning myself into a human pincushion tomorrow!!!!

I am excited, scared sh!tless too, but glad that the first wait is over (waiting for AF). Anyway, at work, I pulled my sister aside (14 days till she pops by the way!) and told her… so she looked at me dubiously and said “are you ready”? I shrugged and she gave me this look and walked away!! Now, we have a chat function at work on our pc’s, so I opened a chat with her and said:

me: Not ready…don’t think you ever fully are, but excited to get going again, hate the     waiting! Looks like June is going to be an exciting month! Sent at 11:01 AM on Thursday

and I waited for a reply and waited and waited and got nothing! So I log onto the forum that we are both on (she is in the preggo’s room however, while I am perpetually in the TTC room….or TTC Vets now!!) and see that she is online giving advice and support to all and sundry on there, yet….her real life sister, sitting just a 100 feet away, she gives nothing to!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Ok, that feels a bit better! I am not going to ruin my excitement because of her selfishness. Instead, I am going to concentrate on shedding my lining, so I get the green light to start shooting up tomorrow… here we goooooooo!


Why I am more of an emotional wreck than usual…

Ok, so I thought that I owed you a bit of an explanation regarding my less than stable emotional state recently…

At the beginning of the month we made the decision that, in June, we will commence our 3rd and final ICSI cycle (as chatted about in a previous post). We are going balls to the wall with this one and are doing a ZIFT, which is a pretty hectic procedure, meaning that the embryo’s are transferred via a laparoscopy, into my tubes, the day after they fertilise. This is because, when the issue is with the sperm, the embies seem to do better when they are put back in their natural habitat quicker. It is a big procedure and means that I will be going under general anaesthetic the day after being sedated for egg retrieval BUT, I have survived a laparoscopy before and I want to look back and know that we did EVERYTHING that we could, to get our BFP.

So, there is a lot riding on this one, which automatically makes it more emotionally draining than the first 2 cycles that we did. In fact, for the first one, we were so young (27!) and naive, that it didn’t enter our heads that the cycle would fail….I mean, why would it? We were young and everybody said it would work…!! One BFN later and we were a bit older and wiser about the dark world of Infertility and so we waited 2 years before having cycle no 2. That time we had 2 seemingly perfect blastocysts transferred and left the clinic with the Fertility Specialists words ringing in our ears “the worst outcome will be that it is twins”!!! One heartbreaking and soul destroying BFN later, we took another 3 years to pick up the pieces enough, to enable us to be in the right place both emotionally and financially, to try again.

So, yes, if I am a bit of a whinger and a bitcher over the next few weeks, I apologise in advance. I know that that is the reason I reacted so badly to the recent “kid’s party saga”, there is no way if I was in my right mind, that I would’ve let it hurt me quite so much…

TTC 6 Years and nothing but grey hairs to show for it!!!

Well, this month we have reached yet another TTC milestone…. 6 years since I joyously threw away my last birth control pill packet and, what do we have to show for it?? Absolutely nothing, other than no money, grey hairs and tear stained pillows 😦 😦 😦

We were away for the weekend with friends a couple of weeks ago and they all had their kids with them… the same ages that ours would have been, if we had been “normal” and watching them just broke my heart.

I never wanted to be an “older” Mom, I didn’t want my kids to only have memories of me with wrinkles and the said grey hairs, but I guess it looks like I now have no choice.

So, due to this “milestone” and, after being on the Adoption list for 4 months, we have decided to embark on our 3rd and final ICSI and have consulted a new Fertility Specialist, Dr Volschenk at Vitalab. When we set out on our first cycle, many moons ago in 2007, we decided that we would do 3 and only 3….we’ve read too many stories of couples spending tens of thousands of dollars/pounds and hundreds of thousands of rands on treatments and we just cannot do it….emotionally OR financially.

Wish us luck and keep us in your prayers!!

xx