To POAS or not to POAS…that is the question!!!

For you infertility virgins (long may you remain so!) who have just stumbled upon my rantings by sheer luck (or bad luck!), POAS means to pee on a (home pregnancy) stick!

NOOOOOOOOOO I can hear all you seasoned TTC’vers scream at your PC, but hear me out first…

My reasoning is that, why shouldn’t I have some sort of normalcy in all this craziness? I know I will never experience what it is like to make the decision to have a baby and, 2 months later, be pregnant but, maybe, just maybe, if I finally get that 2nd line on the home pregnancy test perhaps, for a few seconds, I will forget all the past pain and heartbreak and know what normal feels like. Now that we are actually in our 2 week wait however, I must admit that I am a bit more cautious… after all, a home pregnancy test has never yielded good news for me before, I have NEVER in my entire 33 years on this planet, had a 2nd line appear, so what makes this time any different? Also, I’d quite like to remain PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) a little longer, in case Thursday’s blood test proves me PO rather than P!!!

Decisions decisions! Either way, I won’t do it till Tuesday, as that is 14dpo and so the result will be true….I cannot be arsed faffing around trying to make myself believe that a negative test is REALLY a positive, but just too early, like in my previous cycles.

Symptom update… AF type cramps today, which are completely freaking me out, as they do normally start on and off 2-3 days before AF arrives. Cue frantic knicker checking every 10 mins,..ahh the joy of the 2 week wait!!!

Keep us in your prayers (thanks to all who have left supportive comments) and feel free to comment with your view on whether I should or should not POAS on tues 😉

Bok xx

Feeling Positive!

Ok, so yesterday and today I have felt quite (and unusually!) positive!!

I have decided to acknowledge that I AM having twinges and have decided NOT to write them off as being because my tube was healing from the ZIFT!

I have decided to acknowledge that today I seem to be having on and off AF pains AND have decided that they are a GOOD sign!

So, until further notice, I’m finally accepting that I possible could be pregnant!! After all, this cycle we changed 3 things from our last one, including the fact that my embabies were put back where they belong immediately, so why wouldn’t they grow and flourish??

Long may this mood continue, we still need all your prayers in the meantime tho!

Have a great weekend all!

Bok x

1 Week to go…

and the 2 week wait “crazies” have definitely begun to take hold!!! I have just spent my day googling ZIFT success stories, am I completely barmy? I think so! So much for the cool and collected me of last week…now I know that was just the anaesthetic in my system and my body needing to heal and, now that I am feeling better, I am better placed to stew over every little twinge and feeling/lack of feeling!!!

It is all the more vital now, as my embabies should be implanting yesterday, today and tomorrow and so the twinges and cramps become all the more necessary and the lack of them all the more SCARY!!! ARGHHHHHH, this is going to be the longest week of my life!!

Please pray my embabies are snuggling in to my uterus for the long haul…this has to be it, it just HAS to!

Bok x


I’M BAAAAAACK! In case you were wondering what the long silence was for…it was only because my concentration levels were gnat like for days after the general and not for anything serious.

Well, the morning of the ZIFT dawned bright and early (for us anyway!) and we sped to the clinic, looking forward to seeing how my 9 eggies had fertilised. I was hoping for 8 embies, but was prepared to accept 6, which meant that we would hopefully have some to freeze for the first time ever!! Not to be…we got 4.

With a ZIFT you always transfer more embies than the usual 2, as you cannot monitor them for 3 or 5 days like you can with a normal transfer and so you cannot choose the best and, as the odds aren’t great that 100% of fertilised embies make it to babies, we transferred all 4 zygotes.

I am not going to lie and say that the laparoscopy was a breeze…it wasn’t! From the moment I opened my eyes I was in constant pain till about 12 hours ago (and the ZIFT was  5 days ago). The gas first of all, took 3-4 days to disperse and so, every time I stood up or walked around,  the shoulder pain was immense. I pretty much stayed in bed for 4 days straight until I had to get up to visit my nephew, who arrived safely the day after my procedure. It wasn’t only the gas though, my insides had also taken a complete battering with the retrieval and then the tube into my tubes the very next day, so lying down was the best place for me.

And now, the wait begins… implantation should be taking place over the next couple of days and so the analyzing of every twinge/cramp/feeling starts here!!! Test day is only on the 5th July…will I be able to resist peeing on a stick before that day?? You’ll have to watch this space!

Please remember us in your prayers…